“The three of us agree we don’t want the same things in life you seem to and no longer want to hang around with you.”
Being ostracized in no uncertain terms happened to me in basic training many years ago by three young Airmen I spent time with. They were nice guys, cheerful and helpful, thoughtful and kind. I came from a very different background, growing up as part of a street gang, a loose-talking, negative guy with a penchant for dirty jokes and hurtful comments disguised as humor. These were the tools I had developed for getting along in that world.
My three friends and I lived in the same cubicle in the service, and spent what little free time we had together. It soon became apparent to them that our goals in life were not the same. So their sincere comment was meant to change things. I was devastated, but it was years before I could admit that to myself. My reaction was to completely ignore them – never to speak to any of them again! I found others to associate with . . . but I missed their company.
Many years later I was again confronted with the damaging effects of my humor, this time, by a longtime friend I loved dearly. By then I was out of college, married and in a career where I worked closely with this friend. And I was an active Lemurian Fellowship student learning and trying to practice the principles it teaches.
My friend had put up with a dozen years of my cutting remarks, put-downs of his favorite things and negative comments about others, all of which passed for humor. Then we spent two long weekends together and he used every minute of our free time to outline what he did not like about me. Again, I was devastated. But our Philosophy teaches that nothing happens to us by accident. There’s a reason for everything and a chance to learn from every experience. It took me six months to come to grips with this and accept the truth of much of what he had said.
Over time, I also came to appreciate the courage of these two men, the young Airman and my friend, both quiet, never wishing to hurt anyone. But both of them saw the need to protect their own environment. And I knew this as a basic tenet of the Lemurian Philosophy – that we are responsible for creating our own environments. If we allow negativity in our lives, we suffer the consequences. And if we are negative, we will have few friends and lots of unhappiness. This was something I had studied in the lessons, but it’s one thing to study something and another to practice it.
As you can well imagine, being shut out again was a very painful experience, but it helped me deepen my understanding and begin to see the world in a more positive light. And to answer a question you may wonder about: yes, we are still friends, with a deeper and warmer connection than before this experience.
Some of you might say: “What a stubborn guy! He sure learns things the hard way!” And I certainly agree. But some very painful experience is designed to help us learn important lessons that we can learn in no other way. We believe such lessons are very often engineered by the Masters who know our needs and lovingly try to help us grow. I like to think that’s what happened to me!
