Balance. Purpose. Enlightenment.
Surviving My Worst Embarrassment
I was horrified! Two dozen people watched as I was publicly ridiculed for an awful mistake in the middle of a courtroom trial. It was my worst embarrassment.
As a young, recently hired lawyer in a high-powered law firm, I had been tapped by my boss to be his “second” in this complicated case, a wonderful chance to prove myself to this respected attorney.
All went well until suddenly, it came to light that I had overlooked what was needed to admit a key document into evidence. My boss’s arguments nearly won over the court, but the opposing party’s objection prevailed. I paled, knowing the case might be lost. Our client would be rightfully angry. Months of preparation and thousands of dollars would spiral down the drain. My boss turned to me, loudly demanding, “How could you have done that?” and worse.
My promising career at this new firm seemed over with the likelihood I would be fired. The judge glared at me. I could feel the pitying eyes of attorneys and spectators boring into my back. If only the floor would open up and swallow me, I could escape this horrible failure! But there seemed no way of surviving my worst embarrassment.
When the court day ended, my boss could barely bring himself to speak to me. The other attorneys who had watched this drama unfold offered words of sympathy but these meant little. I was completely wrapped up in my worst embarrassment and the fear of what lay ahead.
What sustains us at such low points in our lives? What keeps us from putting our tail between our legs and slinking away or drowning our misery in alcohol or drugs? We reach deep into ourselves for every strong character trait we have to survive, but times like these call for more than we have and are today. They’re growing times. I needed help and I turned to my spiritual moorings.
The Lemurian Philosophy helps us find good even in failure.
With positive affirmations, I tried mightily to overcome my fear and change my negative thinking. As bleak as things looked, I knew that controlling my feelings would be a step toward changing my environment for the better, hollow as this seemed then.
I faced the next morning with dread, but determination. The trial had to go on. My boss’s anger had softened, and he encouraged me to find a solution to the problem. Still a prey to self-pity, I could barely appreciate his effort, but with his continuing encouragement, we worked together to overcome my mistake and discovered another way to introduce the key evidence. The tide of the case slowly turned in our favor. In the end, the other side settled rather than risk a negative jury verdict.
After the case ended, we talked over what happened and how the mistake came about. To my joyous surprise, my boss asked me to assist him on other trials. From that point forward, I emphasized the Lemurian virtue precision, making sure to dot every “i“ and cross every “t.” I knew there would be other mistakes, but that I could learn a lot from them. And this was the start of a long and successful career at this firm.
Copyright © 2016 Lemurian Fellowship
5 thoughts on “Surviving My Worst Embarrassment”
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I had a similar experience in grad school. The professor in the class I was taking – a powerhouse in his field – was discussing the ins and outs of a mathematical definition he had just written on the blackboard. In the process he called on me to respond to a question; to answer, all I had to do was read what he had written on the board. But as I spoke, I heard myself saying the exact opposite of what the definition said. I was dumbfounded! But it was too late to backtrack. I can still vividly remember the two seconds of deafening silence that followed as the professor quickly turned to check what he had written on the blackboard. And then, in front of the entire class, the hammer fell with a resounding “NO!” that sounded more like a scream than anything else. For the next minute or so he lectured me on the need to pay better attention.
Just as the author, I really learned something about myself from this experience. This was not the first time, nor was it the last, that I got things mixed up in my head. But it sure brought to the fore a problem I struggle with: mild dyslexia. The risk of getting things mixed up is especially high when I’m rushed or under pressure. To work with this, I need to take time to let a proposed idea or action consciously sink in to my brain to avoid the risk of making embarrassing mistakes or worse. Unfortunately, this means I often work or process things slower, which can annoy others. But thanks to the Lemurian Philosophy, I’m learning that I can’t control how other people react – I can only control my own reactions.
Yeah! “Milk for babes and strong meat to them that are of full age.” I suffered a similar challenge five days ago when my boss who was under pressure asked me to produce a document he’d handed to me earlier. I’d placed it among other documents of similar nature and could not instantly lay hands on it, and he fell on my neck for it. What would have taken just a moment to give him took me almost five minutes to find and he rightly lost his patience. My joy is that I found it and I joined him in working on the document and we solved the problem. That situation pulled a string for me to improve on the Virtue of Precision by placing things in their right place and doing things at the right time. It is true that challenges are key pointers to the steps necessary for our advancement.
Thanks for the post. I can relate to the significance of what you went through as I tend to be overly self-conscious. As Eric says, how we handle these situations is observed by those around us. Handling them with integrity benefits not only us but others.
I agree with Eric! Reading this account triggered my fight or flight response, and I had to go do something else to calm back down! Thanks or sharing that poignant lesson, I have to think I’ll be watching my “I”s and “t”s a little better as a result!
Excellent exposition of your experience! It was like I was there.
Certain difficult things have to happen and be worked out in everyone’s life. How you handle these shows the character you have developed. People around you observe this and can gain insight as well. To turn a seemingly bad situation into a learning experience takes lots of courage, devotion and faith.
In the end, you have to believe that everything works out for the best good of all concerned!